Size Matters

Korea has some of the coolest styles of clothing I have ever come across.  The underground shopping malls are Meccas for clothing.  Their are a billion different shops with designer clothes and cheap prices.  I find that in America the nice jackets and sports coats are not made to compliment your body they are made to be loose fitting with the intention of being the same as the stretch pants for pregnant women.  Now granted you can find jackets that make you feel like James Bond but only millionaires can afford them.  It's simple America banks on the fact that everyone is getting fatter so if they make a looser fitting jacket it will sell to a greater variety of shoppers.  I have always wanted to be that guy that looked suave in his perfect pressed suit but I always feel like a bum because a rich guy or a European is there glowing with pizazz and looking like a magazine add for men.  Now I'm in Korea though where these figure fitting jackets and coats are as common as Kimchi in the underground markets.   I was so excited when I first saw them all it was like being a kid at Toys-R-US.  The prices of the clothes are cheap and the quality is good enough.  I went into every store to try everything on, but with widened eyes the store owners told me that I was much to large for their clothing.  Being my size and shopping in Korea is like Godzilla shopping at baby GAP.  Im almost positive that Hulk Hogan bought all of his yellow wife beaters that he could rip off from Korea.  Being tall has little to no advantages in Korea.  First off some Korean women have not only screamed in horror but also jumped out of the way upon seeing me come around a corner.  They also never take the same elevator as me and when they do they stand trembling in the opposite corner as if Im about to rape them.  In fact I didn't even need to dress up on Halloween being white and tall was enough to scare the bejesus out of everyone.  The kids of my baseball teammates start crying while talking to me because they are so nervous.  In my last game I had a man on the opposite team go to shake my hand in the line up and he must have been just looking at everyones feet because when he looked up and saw my size and that I was white he jumped back and grabbed his heart.  The only advantage being tall has had thus far is that I can see everything in the crowded underground.  I tower above everyone like the emergent layer of the rainforest.  the ocean of heads would resemble the canopy layer that spreads out and I can see over it all.  Other than that I say that size matters and being tall in Korea is not a good thing.  I'm sure when I go to their amusement parks the rides will have a sign that says "you must be under this line to ride this ride."  Of course there will be no limitation to how short you could be.  Im sure Willow and all the other midget villagers could live as kings in Korea.