Things That Annoy Me In Korea

Korea is an amazing country and it deserves more credit than it receives but there are a couple of things that really annoy me in Korea.

First off elevators. The Koreans as a race do not understand elevators. You think it would be easy to get...an up button a down button and you push the button for which way you want to go.....no Koreans will push the up button if they are on the fourth floor and they want to go to the first floor. So when the elevator reaches the fifth floor there are people waiting for me to get on so they can ride it down with me.....I don't know if Koreans simply enjoy riding the elevator, maybe it is their own little slice of disney land "the tower of doom" or if they fear that if they don't get on the elevator on the fourth floor it will pass them on the way back down. Regardless of where Koreans want to go they will push both buttons as if to deceive the other travelers of their true destination. I really don't understand it but I know that going from the first floor to the fifth floor takes ten minutes longer than it should with people getting on at every floor. Another great thing they do is they forget to push the button for the elevator to stop at the floor. You will literally be in a line of about ten people waiting to get on the elevator until you watch the elevator pass you by. Then you look at the buttons and none of them are pushed. Koreans understand touch phones and computers but when it comes to elevators they are like "what is the maddening technology. Up and down buttons to take you to different floors....ludicrous." I think Korea is the only country that should sit their children down and have a training course for elevators. They will get a little certificate that says they are capable of operating the elevators "deceiving and complicated controls." I think only then should Koreans be allowed to ride elevators.

Another thing that annoys me in Korea is the sirens and constant sound. The history of Korea is extensive but let me break down the short version. Korea lead an isolationist policy in the 19th century. Korea was occupied by Japan who did terrible things to them almost as bad as what Hitler did to the Jews. They never talk about it but it happened and Japan still wont apologize for it. (research it if you want). World War 2 and the Korean War happened and Korea became divided into two zones. Russian occupied North which became communist and American occupied South which became democratic. Shortly after that speakers were invented and were introduced to Koreans. That is when the democratic south decided that it was necessary to wire every inch of South Korea with loud speakers. They enjoyed speakers so much that they made it mandatory for every fruit truck to have loud speakers on them. So the morning has never been so much fun. Every morning I wake up to fruit trucks that I image sound the same as the Nazis attacking. Sirens that sound very similar to bomb raid sirens sing symphonies over the beautiful pristine landscape of Korea. I think if North Korea actually attacked Koreans would have no clue because every morning sounds like we are being invaded. Imagine waking up to bomb raid sirens with fruit trucks screaming some foreign language at you. For the first few months I ran outside in my boxers with my hands up assuming that it was over for me and I chose the wrong country to teach in. Yep it's great...and the only place that I have found without music playing was on top of a mountain and a river trekking hike I went on. You have to really dig into nature to get away from it. Pop music plays from every corner of Korea....it would be comparable to Americans enjoying elevator music so much that they would say "hey why don't we play this music throughout the entire land every day." We can just hook these speakers up to all the light polls" Then old Jim Bob said "Well shucks Billy that right there might be the brightest idear I've heard since that Joseph Smith told us about Mormonism." Regardless it is really annoying and highly unnecessary. I don't like hearing background music everywhere I go and if I wanted to know what was the hottest most horrific pop song on the charts right now I simply need to step outside.

Super Heroes

Its funny how we always imagine abilities in the laziest of manners. Superman's gift of flight and indestructible body was given to him at birth. To fly Superman must exhort no physical effort, and flying around the world doesn't make him even break a sweat. To depict Superman realistically he should be wheezing and coughing up blood after circling the Earth. The truth is that powers in our mind are the same as hitting the lottery. It is a goal that is attained without no real effort. We have this perpetual belief that something will happen to us by sitting on a sofa. It reiterates our laziness as a society. Hitting the lottery gives you millions without ever working for it as does gaining a power from a freak accident that requires no exertion. Powers in comics seem more entertaining if they are accompanied with no hard work and perseverance. We idolize the work free life style and fantasize about its existence. It is our escape from our bleak reality. This is where superman and other heroes annoy me. Who is the winner of a jackpot to decide who lives and who dies. They have no real character until they began their journey. It takes a great man to realize his mistakes and try and correct them. Knowing that he has made mistakes in the first place shows his character that he is not bad but has chosen wrongly. In fact Villains are the ones who go through some terrible trial that creates character. Take Lex Luthor and Superman....Lex Luthar was a very intelligent man who had drive and vision. He was smarter than 99 percent of our population and worked hard for his goals. Superman is very naive and just figures he has these powers so he handles Lex as an adolescent teenager would. He underestimates his enemy. Lex Luthor takes advantage of that point and that is why the battles are most often won by Lex Luthor himself. Superman wins the war because the people love a hero. Humanity helps him in some way and takes down the "evil villain". We depict the hero as a dumb jock that walks blindly into traps being naive and even arrogant in his mannerisms. Why is it that we depict our heroes as the idiots that we say are wise but they always get tricked. Most of the times the villains are the intelligent ones. They devise elaborate plans for their success....each move is calculated precisely and executed. It is like we are sending the message to be an idiot or you'll be a villain. On the other hand we are rewarding the half retarded lottery superhero that obsesses over a woman that he couldn't get before the powers. Lets give hope to all the stalkers out there. Thats a good message. I think the underlying messages here are very perverse. I talked about this with my girlfriend and she brought up the fact that we also portray the Devil as an intelligent God of the Underworld. In many of the stories God is tricked by the cunningly clever Devil. Now the Devil would normally win after he executes his plan....but again just like the other stories one of Gods servants that he had faith in saves him. I know that usually we say in these stories that God is really just testing someone he loves and at any time he could escape from the Devils evil scheme. I guess in a way it is making humanity realize that the good guy needs help in return. That all of us are important and have the ability to help a man with incredible powers. Maybe even that everyone no matter how powerful they are can't save the world and may need our help from time to time. I know their are plenty of cases that probably contradict what I just said but if you think about it you will understand the picture I'm trying to depict.

Best Food to Order in Korea with description.

This list of food is pretty much my bible in restaurants. This will help you if you would like to go to a Korean restaurant anywhere in the world. Below are the best foods with descriptions and how spicy they are.

Ja Ja Myeong (pronounced m- sound then young) - this is noodles with a black curry on top. The curry has cut up vegetables and pork in it. I recommend eating this amazing meal with the food below.

Tung Su Yu (toung sue you) - This is essentially sweet and sour pork. It is amazing when combined with Ja Ja Myeong.

Nang Myeong - This is a great dish in the summer. A lot of foreingers don't like it but if you do it is as addictive as crystal meth. It is cold noodles in a vinegar type broth. The noodles are very thin and soak up the broth perfectly.

Boodae chigae (boo day chee gay) - this dish was actually created through fusion and now is traditional. It was made during the war where the Koreans were given all sorts of canned meat including spam. They would mix all the spam and rice noodles into a spicy broth with ramen. It created a wonderful mix. This dish is very spicy so if you have sensitive taste buds then stay away. This is also one of my favorite dishes. We call it hot dog soup.

Soon Du Boo (Soon Do Boo) - This is a great dish and also good if you are a vegetarian. It is a red spicy broth with lots of silky tofu and one clam. The broth is amazing. We call it silky tofu soup.

Kimchi Chigae - This is a very traditional soup with lots of cooked kimchi and pork or tuna fish. If you don't like Kimchi then I wouldn't recommend trying this one first. I love it and think it has a different taste but go with the others first. Then come back to Kimchi Chigae.

Curry Rice - You cannot go wrong with asian curry. It is by far one of the best curries in the world. If you are a fan of curry then you have to try Korean or Japanese curry it will blow your mind. I recommend having it on top of the next dish.

Dunkas (dun kass)- also known as chicken katsu in Japan. This is a paddy of fried pork with a sweet brown apple sauce on top. I recommend eating it with curry on top. It is delicious both ways though.

Pa Jueong (pa jong but make the j sound like your drunk and slurring it.) - this is a seafood pancake that is quite delicious. Another vegetarian dish if you can eat fish. It is like a seafood pizza.

Be ji chigae (bee G Chee Gay) This soup is like a red slop soup. It reminds me of red looking apple sauce or vomit. It has bits of pork inside and it tastes amazing. This is also one of my favorites.

Jay Youk Dok Bop - This is pork in some kind of red sweet and spicy curry with vegetables thrown over rice or next to it. This is an amazing meal as well.

Aisle Bop - This is unbelievable but it sounds disgusting. It is rice mixed with fish eggs and spices. A must try if you go to Korea.

Dial chi Aisle - This is a snack food. Same thing as aisle bop but is a rice ball that you can eat filled with fish eggs. Unbelievable as well.

Kam Ja Tong - (Another drunken Ja slur and the rest is regular) - this is my favorite in Korea. This is pork on the bone that melts in your mouth. It is a very traditional meal and if you have ever been a vegetarian this meal will make you throw up. Not for the non meat lovers.

Shabu Shabu - this is a fun sounding dish and it is excellent. Imagine if you may a giant bowl of broth where they bring you vegetables and then thinly sliced beef on the side. You first throw the vegetables in then you began dipping the thinly sliced meat into the broth. After you have eaten all the vegetables, meat, and broth. They refill the wok looking bowl with more broth and then noodles and wontons. Then you eat the noodles after they are cooked. Finally they remove the bowl and put a thin layer of rice on every inch of it that is soaked in with everything that has been cooked before it. You eat that and you are finished. It is a fun and amazing meal.

Om rice - this is simple it is just an omelet over fried rice. It is delicious and simple.

Cheesy Ramyeon - easy ramen that they add an egg to and a slice of cheese they make the broth amazing and it is very cheap.

Tok Galbi (Talk Gal Bi) - VERY VERY SPICY BUT ONE OF THE BEST THINGS IN KOREA. I can't eat this anymore because I cry on the toilet. The best going in the worst going out. It is chicken in a spicy paste covered with cheese and cooked. then they cover the cooking dish with rice like the shabu shabu.

Tsung Pioa Cheem - (the hardest food in the world to pronounce. These sounds don't exist for english speakers. Heres my try. the t and s together is like a high hat noise and then ung next pee ou as in ouch. and then cheem is easy) This is available at all the places that have Kam Ja Tong. Order one of these and one kam ja tong with a group. If you don't know how to say it just say the black spicy noodles. They are sweet potato noodles in a black spicy sauce with pieces of pork just like the kam ja tong. It is unbelievable.

Bulgogi - this is a favorite to americans you can get it in a broth and also on rice. It is just sweet flavored beef. It is really good but I don't ever get it. It is overrated I think....but then again i like kimchi and a lot of the foreigners hate it. But if your looking for something non interesting and safe go with bulgogi.

Galbi - (Korean BBQ) Korean BBQ is great and a lot of fun. Get the fatty pork called san gulp sal (the sal is like salt without the t) It is really good. I love the BBQ in Korea but the actual korean restaurants with the traditional meals are better.

Mandu - Dumplings that are really good. Street food.

Then go to every street food place they are always serving something delicious.

Oh and gimbop. This is a sushi roll with radish, ham, egg, and whatever else you want. I usually get chamchi which is tuna. But go wild. It is very easy and they have millions of different kinds.

That's it I hope this helps. It took me awhile to put it together. But now others can experience all the great foods from korea.

oh and DONT EAT DOG. They beat the dogs and keep them in cages. They beat them daily because it tenderizes the meat. There are a lot of people that want to try it and the Koreans will tell you it is delicious but you are contributing to something terrible. If they raised the dogs like cows it would be ok but they beat them as much as possible to make more muscle and make the meat better.

I Wonder

I wonder about a lot of sick things to keep my mind entertained. Here are a couple of things I have wondered about lately

I wonder if South Korea had played North Korea in the World Cup what would have happened. I imagine that the North Koreans would host the half time show where their marching band would form a submarine on one side and the South Korean Cheonan Navy Patrol Ship on the other. Then the submarine would deploy a torpedo that sinks the patrol ship while the North Korean crowd cheers wildly.

I wonder about this guy that created TOM shoes. I really want to buy some because he donates a pair to children in poor countries. Everyone is talking about this saint lately. I like to think of a child in Somalia that looks terribly malnourished....his stomach caved in so his ribs look as though they are going to break free of the translucent layer of skin holding them in. Then I imagine this guy (we will call him Tom to make things easier) Tom giving this starving child a pair of shoes. Then I think the child would say something along the lines of...."Oh shoes....um I could use some food or money but hey now at least I can walk comfortably to the market to look at the food that I can't buy." Or maybe they would ask Tom if they were edible.

I will post more on this later.

Im also going to start making some top ten lists of things to do, eat, and places to go in Korea that should be beneficial to anyone coming to spend time in Korea

Why I Don't Decorate

I think the reason that I don't ever properly take care of my temporary environments is that I don't see the point in it. Up to this point in my life I have been just visiting places for a year or a year and a half at most. True, in college I stayed for three years in one spot but I moved apartments from year to year. Most people spend lots of money on their immediate environment to either make it comfortable for themselves or to say to people that walk in 'hey this is who I am'. Some people feel that their possessions say what kind of person they are so they decorate their places accordingly. For me, I have never felt the need to deck out my place. I don't see the purpose in it, because I know that in a year or two I will be selling everything or giving it away to get maybe an eighth of what I spent on it. Why go through all that stress if you are just staying somewhere for a year. The day I buy my own house that I know I will be staying in for at least eight to ten years is the day that I began buying the decor. As of now I spend my money on other people in these temporary environments. Is all I need to stay happy is something to write with and a bed. So I end up probably blowing more money than these other people but I blow it on good times and adventures. I think it is a worthy investment. Rather than buying crap that people will see and go hey thats some nice crap and Ill say thank you Im looking to get rid of it in eight months when I leave. It cost me a fortune and I'll sell it for nothing. They light up inside and get their kicks when someone notices the hard work they spent on making their surroundings perfect. This is where these people get off. So if you see someone that obviously spent a decent amount of time on their place make a conscious effort to mention it. They will appreciate it more than you think. I would rather not put up with the stress of running around town looking for the perfect coffee table that has Zachery written all over it....oh oh and that couch that I can tell a great story of how hard it was to get and that it was the last one left....and don't forget the great deal I got on a sofa chair where the guy marked it down from five hundred dollars to three hundred because he liked me. I say go to a place and explore for fun not for errands. You will never truly live in the country that you are in if you are that concerned with making your temporary environment say something about yourself. I am living in Korea as you know and I think it's funny how some people buy all this worthless crap to fill their places. I found a bookshelf and a storage container in the garbage and they seem to be working just fine. You are not trying to make a place like home you are trying to experience something foreign so spending time in my place is the last thing I want to do. I want to sleep in a temple under the stars, I want to sleep at the Jisang rock festival in a tent that I rented with other koreans, I want to sleep on a ferry boat on route to Jeju island, I want to sleep on a beach in Busan and wake up with sand in my ears, and I want to sleep in a cheap love motel in the heart of Seoul. I could care less about what my place looks like because half the time I don't want to see it.

IM RICH

Waking up today was a little more interesting than usual.  I actually didn't know what reaction to have in the situation that was presented to me in the wee hours of the morning.  I usually (don't ask me why) start the day by scratching both my front and my rear....not to itch but more of a comfort because I've done it every since I was young.  Today when i ventured to the rear a coin fell out of my crack and into my hand.  It was 100 Korean Won which is equivalent to about 8 cents in the US.  Immediately afterwards I jumped up and wrote down everything I had eaten the day before....because obviously I had discovered the exact ingredients of how to defecate money.  My body was my test tube and I figured my rear must have been the catalyst for this reaction.  I then began running tests on potential damages   of defecating Korean Won and if my money producing body could create inflation seeing as though my bottom was comparable to the federal reserve in America.  I also plotted out my retirement and how often I would have to go to the restroom to become a millionaire.  So if anyone needs a loan just let me know.

Lantern Festival in Seoul

Drums illuminate the soul as bellowing base beats ooze from the cities core.  Flickering lanterns pour out of dark alley ways amassing like droplets would on a leaf.  They collide and flow like a river now on the main street of Insadong.  Brilliant lanterns and lotus flowers with vibrant colors of every array dance rhythmically atop their puppet masters below.  The buildings towering along the main street are mere embankments to prevent the glowing river from breaking free of it's formation.  Buddhas birthday whether you be Buddhist or not is an unbelievable experience.  Starting and ending at Jisang temple where three mammoth Buddhas sit as big as the Lincoln Memorial.  The lotus lantern festival is one of the most spectacular festivals in Seoul.  Traditionally lotus lanterns were lit to symbolize religious devotion and to confirm the next years commitment of performing good deeds.  The lights symbolize the hope in illuminating the darkest parts of the world.  Lighting the evil that swims, spawns, and feeds in darkness and negativity.  All of the lanterns are given out for free at any of the temples in Seoul.  The night is filled with celebrations including dancing, singing, and eating.  Three things that I am very good at.  Well except for singing but I enjoy it a lot.  Anyways if you ever come to Korea the lantern festival is a must see.