Ahhh the Luxuries of Judging After a Month

In dealing with foreigners, there are four societies I have come to be able to categorize people in.  One is the church going people.  They are nice to hang around, very hospitable, and very welcoming to new comers.   They spend most of their nights inside having the occasional get together.  They talk about the party goers like villagers would  vampires a long time ago.  They never see them but they know they run rampant at night.  They sound like they have been there and done that and now want no part of the soul sucking.  The next group is the alcoholics aka the vampires who spend most of their nights getting hammered until sunrise.  This kind makes lots of really great plans to do things in the midst of the drunken happy state.  When waking up in their own urine, feces, and throw up they decide that they would rather stay home the next day so they can regain strength for drinking again that night.  They have never actually met the church goers because they have never seen the daylight other than sunrise which is the universal signal for this breed to scurry home to their coffins.  This brings me to the gaming anime type who maintain the same social hours as the vampires but only because they are at home playing world of warcraft or some other massive multiplayer online game.  They came to Korea to meet a wife and are amazed at how great their terrible jokes are flying over here.  One thing I would like to express to this kind.  A.  If your jokes were terrible in the states and no one thought you were funny then most chances are that the reason the girl is laughing so hard with you is because she has no idea what you are saying but really wants a green card or an escape from her life.  B.  You are your own figment of your imagination because a suave video game anime ladies man does not exist.  I met one of these kids at a bar that didn't drink....he came to meet Korean girls that were drinking knowing that if they were drunk he had even better odds and also his jokes would go over twice as well.  This is when he told me about his scooby doo, its a small world, final fantasy, and star wars tattoos.  Then to top them all off he showed me his ultra masculine harry potter tattoo under his right rib cage...which is where I looked at him dead seriously and slowly parted my hair to reveal the tattooed mark of Voldemort on my forhead.  We then made out for a good amount of time but when we stopped it got awkward and I haven't seen him since.  Ahhh the trials and tribulations of a Harry Potter fan.  This type exists just as much in the states as it does here.  The only difference is that in Korea they get layed.  The final breed is the traveling ones who don't stay put...they are more of an in the moment type people who are looking for new experiences.  I have yet to meet to many of these people but I am looking for them because I know they exist.  I am probably categorized as one of these people.  I notice that a lot of people also came to Korea to start over or escape their lives back home.  For all the readers out there I would like you to remember one thing:  When reading realize that I am really laid back and not judgmental so as many generalizations as I make they are all merely half hearted observations....I am letting you dive into the wonderful world of Zach's creative cortex.   So please don't take offense to any of these blogs.

Gheongbok Palace

Saturday the 10th of October

I traveled to the Gyeongbokgung Palace today.  All of the palaces in Korea end in gung which is funny because gung means palace.  So when you read Gyeongbokgung palace it is really translating to Gyeongbok Palace Palace.  

I arrived at the palace doors and payed the equivelant of two dollars to tour the enormous grounds.  It was littered with quaint courtyards seperated from eachother by stone walls.  I stood in awe of the prodigious architecture.  The name Gyeongbokgung, means Palace greatly blessed by the heavens, and only then standing in its immaculate presence did I believe it.  Their were meticulously constructed buildings resting perfectly centered in a still pond.  The only movement that unsettled its peace were vibrant carp that quietly rippled the waters glass like surface with their tales.  The queens quarters were stationed in the back of the palace to ensure her faith to the king.  I imagined what the grounds would look like during the Japanese invasion during 1592.  I hope that our gift upon death is to travel throughout history and watch these final moments of virtue.  I would have liked to have seen the guards standing strong and preforming their duty proudly despite knowing their imminent fate.  I would have liked to have seen the king in his final hours and who he wanted to see last, his final words, and final commands.  Would the queen be by his side or from the confines of her prison like quarters would she reach out and find solace in a servant.  In these final hours all of the subtle unspoken beauties of love bloom and erupt for we know that our time is at an end.  These are the rare moments that we forget about social standing and petty grudges.  We act more human than we ever will.  In these brief fleeting moments the gods envy mankind for we are all beautiful and divine.  Alright sorry got a little poetic for a second.  

Anyways my camera ran out of batteries upon my arrival to the heart of Seoul so I only got pictures on my cell phone.  I unfortunately cannot transfer them to my computer, so as for now they serve the lame purpose of being beautiful cell phone backgrounds.  I am going to go back and take more pictures of the same palace so you guys can understand how amazing they really are.  I will also continue explaining the journey to Seoul. 

The Greeting and The Squat

A part of Korea that I enjoy immensely is that when walking anywhere being white and round eyed I am stopped by many different Koreans that say Hello, or How are you? or may I practice my english with you.  The most common response is that they will say two or three words and then giggle when you answer and run off.  They are so interested in interacting with the foreigners especially in the more rural areas.  The Koreans are so friendly and hospitable.  I think Koreans really understand the word perseverance.  They know that dreams and goals must be worked for to attain them.  I also love that they hardly ever rest.  Even the resting position of the Korean is not really resting for Americans.  They squat down resembling a frog to where their bottom is a mere millimeter off the ground.  I think that Koreans are born in this position because no matter how hard I try I can't get my butt even close to the ground.  God forbid their butt actually touch the ground because then it would give off the impression of actually resting and of course Koreans would never be caught dead resting out in public....so no their butt never touches and they squat to rest.  I noticed this in Japan too.  I think it may have been a way of resting that slaves discovered when they were whipped for physically sitting.  Maybe workers discovered this in-between state that you can train your body to enjoy almost as much as sitting and no one can really yell at you because you are really only squatting and not truly resting.  I can remember every manual labor job I have ever had and if they caught you sitting on the job they would be livid but Im sure if they saw you squatting and looking at something they would figure that that position is far to uncomfortable to be in and he is not really sitting so he must be working.  I will take a picture of this position the next time I see it so you can visually understand.

Pizza Hut in Korea

Another great part about Korea is the pizza.  I was surprised to find out how amazing Pizza Hut is over here.  Alright in the states lets be honest, the list of best pizza joints  to worst goes as follows

Papa Johns

Dominoes

Local Pizza places

Pizza Hut

Chuck E Cheese

Pizza hut had one pizza idea that you would think would eradicate all the competition, which was stuffed crust pizza.  The idea sounded amazing but when that idea became reality they managed to screw it up.  Another quick tangent....whoever decided to make Chuck E cheese's mascot a giant rat was an idiot.  Who in their right minds thought it was a good marketing idea to link a friendly rodent with your pizza.  What do we actually know about rats?  1.  They are rodents that defecate a million times a day. and  2.  They are filthy and carry many diseases because they will eat anything.  So who decided that rats favorite food is cheese?  Why do we assume that a factual study has been made that shows that rats prefer cheese over any other food.  If you ask anyone what rats love to eat they would answer cheese....but like a dog Im sure rats would eat their own feces if they felt in the mood.   The actual fact about rats food preference is that they would go after cheese just as quickly as any other food.  This so called fact about rats and cheese is just about as stupid as when I saw a commercial for a guy trying to make a million dollars off a toilet water cleaner for your dog so that he don't get sick when he drinks out of it.  Once again dogs eat their own...do you really think they care if their toilet water is purified.  Plus I like to think that my dog enjoys the daily surprise ...who knows what kind of magical flavor my bowel movements add to the toilet water.  Anyways back to Chuck E Cheese's mascot.... so now you have this giant filthy rodent (that doesn't make sense) crapping on my pizza in the back (probably one of the reasons that their pizza tastes awful) and then dancing with everyones children as if to rub it in.  What are we teaching children?  Now you've got little Johnny that actually sees a rat in Chuck E cheese... would it be wrong for him to assume that it was one of the happy helpers and not call pest control.  Would Johnny in fact be wrong to try and play with him and maybe even let him share a couple of bites of his pizza.  Also what well respected adult says that chuck E cheese is their favorite pizza?  So now I know one day I will be staring at this giant rat parading around the place with my children making this nonsensical alliance make sense to the minds of my kids.  Then he will be smiling knowing that he just shit on my pizza and I have to watch as my kids hug this disease infested vile vermin.  Then you wonder why your children get sick in the future.  

Here is a picture from the menu of pizza hut so you can dream

So the Rich gold pizza crust has a sweet potato rim and a crust stuffed with amazing cheese.  It sounds weird but it is unbelievable.  I would like for you to now direct your attention to the cheesy bites fondue which I made sure I got two pictures of.  The crust is made with little crisp rolls filled with cheese that are facing inward toward the center.  In the center is an actual mini fondue pot filled with cheese for dipping your already cheese filled crust.  Why can't we get it right in the states?  Why did I have to come to Korea to salivate upon looking at the menu.  I hope you all get a chance to try pizza in Korea.  Anyways I know this is a random post but I think the pizza is worth mentioning...  I hope you enjoy reading and comment often.  

Picture time

 Here are some of the pictures I have taken recently.

The korean BBQ sides...I like the purple slop one.
My friend Chris and the bbq just starting
My mother would love this so I had to post it...An entire children's comic book dedicated to Obama.  I wish I could read Korean so I could understand what the comic was about.  Hopefully it is that Obama is part time president part time fighting crime as an anime super hero.  
Here he is again on the front cover....wow just wow.
My phone inside my apartment...it is so ghetto but also so futuristic with the screen.  I have my own security camera to watch my neighbor and potential visitors.  The button scheme is a little tricky.  The yellow button releases mustard gas for the unwanted guests.  The red button fires a poisonous dart through the peep hole that immediately kills unwanted visitors and and the green button lets the friends in.  It took awhile to get used to but now I've got it.
This is the cart that the woman with the broken arm and hunch back was carrying.  
Finally here is a foot massage walk where you take off your shoes and stroll on this little path to give your feet a break.  Well that is what I thought when walking by and seeing other Koreans doing it.  I tried it and now know that it is a torture devise for feet and feels comparable to walking on glass, rocks, and nails all mixed together....but Koreans love it.

I Discovered How Weak I was Hiking in Korea

October 3rd 

So here I am with the most beautiful mountain scenery in the world as far as the eyes can see but only half way up the mountain, and to be candid I have not seen the beautiful scenery yet I am more just imagining it because right at that moment I am starring at the ground and mainly my shoes wheezing from exhaustion.  Meanwhile, a 50,000 year old Korean woman that was most likely alive when dinosaurs roamed the earth that looks as though she has been revived on several occasions who probably started the hike about an hour after me is passing me up.  She is barely winded and also puffing away on a cigarette as she walks by.  If Marlboro needs a new image to entice all ages on the joys of smoking I found that image on a hike in Korea.  Lets talk about the differences between me and her.  Alright 1.  I was wearing a backpack filled with water, she was carrying five packs of cigarettes maybe to congratulate herself once she made it to the top of Everest.  2.  I had on hiking shoes, she was wearing sandals that closely resembled birkenstocks (the winner of the lesbians choice for comfortable footwear award for the last ten years).  and finally 3. I think the main difference between us was that contrary to popular belief in this situation the Korean woman has the penis and American man has a vagina.  I did make it to the summit but only because as this beast of a woman passed me I threw a lasso around her neck and was dragged comfortably to the top.  What a beautiful country I have come upon.  I can't wait to see it's beauty in the winter.  I will try and make it to more historic areas later.  Anyways Im tired Im going to nap before I go out anywhere else thank you everyone for following I will try and make some of the posts short and I hope everyone is doing well.  Don't worry about me Im doing fine.

Chuseok

October 2nd

It's Chuseok weekend here which means a beautiful three day weekend.  Chuseok is a holiday where they mutate every regular fruit and vegetable with the exact same ooze from the second ninja turtles movie.  They either do that or use radiation like they did to create Godzilla.  Quick little tangent...Did you ever notice that everything was huge in the prehistoric days.  Their were woolly mammoths instead of elephants, mega sharks instead of great whites (about ten times the size), teridactyls instead of hawks, and so on...ok now what Im wondering is since everything living was enormous does that mean that there were strawberries the size of basketballs and grapes the size of baseballs.  I would like to think so but luckily my thoughts have been put to rest by seeing the freakishly large mutations of apples, pears, and grapes during Chuseok.  It is possible giant fruit exists in Korea....Anyways I think it is kind of like our thanksgiving holiday but way earlier.  So I went out the night before to another foreign bar and watched the sunrise in the morning.  I was surprised by how many irish, scottish, and british their were at all of the bars.  What wasn't surprising was how hammered they all were.  I can honestly say that I have never made so many alcoholic friends in one night.  I swear in Korea everyone is always drinking...I could seriously see a Sobers Anonymous meeting take place here where people sit around in a circle and say how they folded to pressure and stayed sober for a day.  Drinking is a societal norm in this country.  I found myself being twenty seven years old and staying up till ten in the morning and wondering how in the hell it happened.  I felt bad but then I asked the people that stayed up with me how old they were and I was the youngest of them all and it cheered me up a bit.  I am not going to make partying a trend because you can really waste your journey if you get to involved with any of these lonely crowds.  They try and drag you into their domain because misery loves company....but hey I just got here so staying up all night when you first arrive is alright from my standpoint.  Hike is tomorrow I will post on it.

First Week Of Teaching

End of September to Beginning of October.

I can't hang onto a routine sleep schedule.  I went to bed at around twelve and woke up at seven in the morning on my first day of school.  It sounds funny to say that again.  You work your whole life to get away from the systematic institutions of schooling so that you can live the life you want.  Now I am back in that institution contributing to brain washing children, but hey at least I am brain washing the Korean children.  

Let me establish something about the location of my school.  Avalon (the school I am working in) rests on the fifth floor of a pretty mammoth sized building.  In the basement their is a grocery store, on the first floor their is a shopping mall comparable to Dillards,  the second floor has a doctors office a dentists office and a bank,  the third floor has a hair salon a spa and a laundromat  and the fourth floor has an in door driving range (apparently it is very expensive to play golf in Korea but to go to driving ranges is cheap so they make virtual driving ranges for the less wealthy of Koreans).  So basically when North Korea attacks and destroys every inch of South Korea EXCEPT for my building, and it just so happens that all the exits are sealed with rubble so that no one can escape...Fortunately I will be living it up in the midst of the chaos.  I might start off the day at eight by getting my teeth cleaned at the dentist (I wouldn't even bother trying to brush my own teeth anymore)  and finish just in time to pick up my laundry at nine or ten.  Before getting fully dressed in my perfectly pressed clothes I will get my daily hour and a half massage.  After putting on my clothes it will be perfect timing for my round of virtual golf that I reserved the night before.  The most exciting part of every day though would be when I walked up to the bank teller with my immaculate aura and confident posture.  I would slide my bank card across the table with a subtle suaveness and with a smile and a nod she would show me on my own personal LCD screen my balance of a MILLION WON DOLLARS.  Thats right in Korea I am a millionaire...I rarely will cuss but I think the situation is yearning for it...I am a fucking MILLIONAIRE.  I use the LCD's fully functional 360 degree rotating capabilities to show the balance to any of the lower class peasants that surround me.  I will admit some days I will pretend to be the giving millionaire that leaves joy and hope in his wake...the one that everyone says "oh there goes Zach Nims the most gracious altruistic man to ever walk the earth, praise the gods...no no praise him for he is as close to a god on earth as we will ever receive."  Honestly though most days I enjoy being the shrewd scrooge like millionaire that decides families fates with a snap of a finger and eats babies souls for breakfast.  Unfortunately for everyone at the bank I would be the Scrooge that day which meant anyone that so much as looked me in the eyes on the way out would be slapped and maybe even hung because millionaires can do whatever they want....because really what is fun about money if you can't use it as a power to exploit the lower class.  On these days I feel like people without money deserve to be taken advantage of because lets be honest people with no money don't have souls therefore with that argument settled their is nothing for me to feel bad about after Im finished with my daily social atrocities.

Sooooooo anyways I arrived on the fifth floor with thirty minutes to spare before my first class.  Keep in mind I had never taught a day in my life and had had no previous training, plus whenever I asked anyone they just told me it was easy and to follow the schedule.  My first class scheduled was called Igen.  Igen are the children that still forget that when finger painting one should not eat the paint or paint themselves.  They know how to repeat english but when you ask what Bill wants to do with his box and they have the choices between mop, pig, and cut...they choose pig and or mop about 99 percent of the time...but alas if one guesses right the first time fortunately every kid has the same answer in seconds.  I can say that I have only just started to enjoy this class.  I felt more like a piece of eye candy rather than a teacher.  A cd runs this class and I am just the theatrics that tags along side.  I like this class more though because I am starting to feel comfortable singing in front of them which helps with my voice and also no matter how bad I sound Mr. Fox on the cd is about as good as listening to the deafening beauty of a fog horn.

I learned that I am not strict at heart and when I try to be I can't take myself seriously.  Even though every teacher has told me, "you need to be strict in the beginning and then nicer toward the end," it didn't work for me.  In every class I have a lot of cute kids and two or three trouble makers.  I think that uptight people should not teach.  I am very laid back so the trouble makers really don't bother me no matter how loud they get.  I found that calling them out by name and just saying come on or joking with them a bit settles them down a lot.  The relations between the girls and boys is great so far.  Every girl in my class thinks I am good looking and the boys all think I am a wrestler.  So for the girls I just have to put up with them flirting during the class and the boys I have to put up with them trying to make me laugh which they do often.  All the girls do want me to cut my hair which makes since because 1. my hair is getting to the point where the length makes me look creepy.  2.  In the states my hair would most likely get me arrested upon stepping one foot onto any elementary school grounds....Charges: Intention to molest children.  The boys like it though because I am tall and they say I look like a wrestler.  I have been telling the children that don't like my hair that my girlfriend likes to pull it when she kisses me....so naturally they ask if she is a wrestler too to which I reply of course and she is also bigger.  They get a huge kick out of it and want to see her picture.  

I have never had a job where the time went by so fast.  I love teaching and I love the breaks to.  Anyone who says that teaching is a hard career is a lier.  Teaching is an easy out and if you are stressed from teaching then you wouldn't succeed at any other career in life other than pizza delivery or McDonalds.  Honestly I don't know how many people get to say that they have fun at work but I do finally.  Being a teacher is like being on summer vacation for the whole year...and teachers in the states get tons of time off.  Anyways my second class was in another school that was about a two minute walk from Avalon.  The classes over in that area are through a different school so naturally my school doesn't care about what goes on.  They will let you do whatever you want.  I could lay down by the chalk board and take a nap for the 45 minutes and no repercussions would follow.  Everyone told me that these kids would make me want to slit wrists and suck on them so that I would die faster.  I found these kids to be so much fun.  They are wild but hilarious and plus I can actually play around with them without the fear of getting fired.  In Avalon we are not allowed to play games so being in the other school is great.  If you try and reign with an iron fist, you will wish you were never born.  Instead if you don't resist them and just  go with the flow the kids are eager to learn...I get to be much more creative and invented a bunch of games for them to love to learn.  Overall I have a bunch of great classes and only one that is half way annoying.  It is just because the kids are old and very smart but they are trying to play dumb with me.  The good news is though I just teach them the lesson and if they want to pretend then I don't have any fun with them when the lesson is over and I make them sit for twenty or so minutes quietly like detention.  So many of the other teachers give detention for stupid crap.  These kids go to school for around fifteen hours in one day and teachers give them detention for acting out.  Detention isn't a good solution it's just a temporary fix to a problem that is going on.  Now they might be better behaved but at the price of some kid getting home at twelve at night.   These poor thirteen year old kids that are frustrated because they can't speak english well and are bored so they begin acting out.  I don't see how giving detention is going to make anything better.  I gave one kid detention so far and it was only because of the head masters words on how to be.  He was saying that I should give kids detention right off the bat so I tried it with one class after a kid flicked off another kid.  He began crying and I just let him cry in the middle of class.  The children still act the same but it was my worst class because all the kids looked like they wanted to murder me and stopped participating.  I got it back so everything is alright.  Anyways teaching is going to be the breeze part of this journey to Korea and I would recommend it to anyone.  It is a great way to get over seas with everything payed for and also the money is good so you can't go wrong.  

I am going to write about a hike later.  Thank you everyone for following and for the comments.  Ill keep posting about he journeys.