The Future is Korea

Sky scrapers pierced the clouds like titans standing guard.  I stood motionless as an ant in awe of mans achievements.  Here in Incheon's new city I felt for the first time in my life that I was a mere time traveler from a distant past.  Korea, having been a baby to the world, has finally achieved it's man hood and taken rank among the mammoths of industry.  There is a vision of the vox populi that has driven this pinnacle city into creation where public conveniences mesh with future ideology.  Fascinating bows and oblique beams formed fashionably into architectural miracles.  I have never seen such beauty in buildings.  It was only fitting that the area be named the world of tomorrow.  I strolled into the information hall, both doors automatically parting with a smoothness that tingled my ears.  I entered into an enormous lobby like area.  Pillars of lights that changed colors fluidly, gave a soothing and tranquil atmosphere.  A subtle ambient like music whispered gently to every inch of the first floor.  I was directed to a free tour portraying the new architecture that the city would soon give birth to.  This tour also included a glimpse of the robots that would soon run the thousands of manual labor positions required for the up keep of these giants.  My future lore has been to this point composed of only movies, books, and dreams but only now have I seen first hand what is to come.  The first room on the tour was a replica of a standard middle to upper class living quarters that will be implemented when construction finishes.  The paintings that cluttered the walls were reminiscent of giant i-pod touches.   In the center of the living room sat a table top mainframe or the brain of the house so to speak.  From here one could essentially change the mood, pictures, music, scenery, and any other decor.  I have placed a video of me operating just one function of the brain that I thought was a lot of fun. 

  The next room had a 3D TV in it where you sat in the center of a black ring like bubble and watched your favorite characters come to life jumping off the screen and onto your lap or shoulders.  If I was to ever lose my mind I'd imagine that watching 3D TV would be spot on to what my day to day hallucinations would be like.  I also found out that I can watch a penguin dance on my hand while speaking in Korean for around twenty four hours before getting bored with it.  The only way I can think of describing the next room is by comparing what was in the center to the black plateau from 2001 space odyssey except you could walk inside it.  Once inside it measured your weight, body heat, health, strength, and pretty much the size and color of your underwear.  You told the inanimate lifeless robot what you would like your body to appear like and then it sent data and information to a tread mill next to it and also gave you a schedule of your cardio exercises you would need to commence.  The tread mill although being indoor let you walk in a virtually created environment.  It greeted you in an affectionate tone by name and even gave the eerie appearance of being capable of small talk.  It stuck with the mundane socially retarded conversations such as how are you feeling today?  Or it has been awhile since you have done this hike...do you miss the mountains?  The machine was trying to make this activity as naturalistic as possible to give you the false comfort of actually thinking you were walking outside.  Even though you are truly indoors away from everything that is really human in the world.  The kicker to this whole experience is that you are linked online to millions of other joggers and walkers to where you can walk with someone from the other side of the world on a virtually created mountain.  Hopefully they will implement this technology into the World of Warcraft massive multiplayer online game so that the hours that they spend walking from quest to quest on their character are actually used exercising.  We would have professional gamers that looked like they could have starred in the movie "300".  Honestly then gaming wouldn't be as much of a waste of time as working out would be.  One quick tangent i promise...I really hate socially retarded people that keep coming up to you after you show them a bit of kindness....they hang around starring at you blankly waiting for you to talk to them.  During these times I fantasize about having magic abilities.   Only so I could turn those people into dogs and then pat them on the head and say "good dog" and then go back to work.  Dogs stare at you for hours on end but they are so cute and the reason why they aren't speaking is because they can't.  Back to the Future though, the final room had a white egg looking seat with an LCD touch screen positioned at eye level centered directly in front of you.  A camera sat in three different places surrounding your head and it would digitally recreate your face into a virtual environment.  The reason being that you can test new hair styles, clothes, accessories, and even tattoos if you'd like.  Instead of taking the leap this machine allows you to get an idea of what fashions and styles would look good on you.  I just messed around with the facial reconstruction software.  People in Korea are obsessed with plastic surgery.  I would say about fifty percent of the woman have gotten their eyelids done.  Apparently Asians don't have double eyelids like the rest of the women in the world so they get a surgery to have it.  You wouldn't notice it until someone tells you about it once and then you see it everywhere.  Nose jobs and eye jobs are about as common as churches in Korea.  If one were to leap from a plane to kill themselves in South Korea there is a ninety percent chance they will land on a church, in fact I bet there is a fifty percent chance they would be impaled on a cross.  If they don't land on a church then they land on a plastic surgeons door step.  Anyways with this new nifty little device they can try all the operations they want on their face and body.  

I did a couple of virtual reality tours that were really fun and very involved to where you had a hand device that acted similar to the 3D TV.  At one point there was a virtual fire and an extinguisher appeared in my hands that I had to use on the fire to help out.  It was a lot of fun and you got to use a lot of other cool tools like a fishing rod, a flashlight, and a gun.   I took a picture to give you an idea of what I am talking about.

After the tour was over I took a look at a lot of the robots and what their purposes were.  It was a lot of fun and they even had insect robots too.  I posted pictures below.  

At the end of the tour I decided to take the stairs up instead of down to where an exit sign caught my eye.  The hallway was dimly lit from the flickering neon like sign.  I walked through an almost transparent door that led to a terrace on the roof looking over the entire city.  The night covered my body and my pupils enlarged adjusting to the void of light.  The wind brushed cold against my face but I took no notice to its ploy to pull me from the moment.  I was only operating one sense at that time and I deadened my body in meditation.  All around me were those same titan buildings looking down upon me.  I stood surrounded.  Only at night do they truly show off their true beauty.  Florescent greens and blues climbed their sides decoratively.  It looked like beams of light were raining down from the clouds.  Streams of data being sent from other worlds fell like rain pounding upon the earths surface.  Bridges in the distance looked like communication beacons sending people and coded messages to distant planets in dancing rays of light.  Then I looked at the spectacle below me, it was as if the cities underbelly had been painted with Christmas lights.  They twinkled and shined as if they were an entity of some sort communicating with other light creatures.  In this one moment I simply smiled and exhaled knowing the reason why I had traveled again.  We rarely escape our instilled realities.  We are so consumed with superficial identities that we become them.  Then for some reason we stop searching and journeying.  In these moments that we throw caution to the wind we are perfect and complete.  We are happy like children and filled with laughter that now only whispers within us.  Our joys are sharing these moments with each other and with ourselves.  I hope my blog gives you that extra nudge to leap and free yourself to do what you want.  I hope you find the courage to make the change you've been wanting.  I hope you all have good travels and make great friendships.  Most of all I wish that you find love and happiness wherever you are.  Only when we step back from the rush of our lives do we truly understand what is important.  I'm lucky to have everything I have in my life especially my loving parents who are still happily married and the best brother I could have ever imagined.  I also have the most amazing girl on earth as a girlfriend.  Sorry to get very emotional but I had a dream the other night about my grandmother and it was the first time I actually woke up and cried.  My grandma was alive and walking around a farm.  I was following her close as a baby duck would its mother.  I knew she was getting close to dying and I felt scared and deathly afraid of losing her.  We had a giant goose that had characteristics of a grandmother too.  It really loved my grandma more than it loved anyone on the farm....it was actually now that I think about it mother goose.  She had beautiful grey curly hair and wore glasses that hung on the tip of her bill.  She kept on nuzzling her head onto my grandmas side because she loved her so much and she wanted her to be happy in her final moments.  The goose kept on helping her if she had trouble walking.  Finally I thought it was so amazing and adorable that I asked my grandma if I could take a picture of her doing it.  I started crying really bad knowing it was a fleeting moment and that I would never see her again.  She just looked at me and smiled warmly....but the goose got very angry when I took the picture.  The goose would show up as a stuffed animal bear and my grandmother didn't look the same either, her face was distorted in the picture.  I was so consumed with trying to capture the moment on film that I wasn't enjoying every second of it.  I think the dream was saying that you can't capture beautiful moments like this, so experience them as fully as possible so that they stay with you forever.  I love you all.  I hope everyone is doing well.

This was a TV in a balloon that kids could hit like a pinata.  It was pretty much indestructible 

Guam My Love

It was Tuesday afternoon after my second class when my boss informed me of my travel plans to Guam to pick up my work visa.  Normally I would care about this flight itinerary given to me at the last second, but seeing as though I was flying to an island paradise during my normal work schedule, it didn't bother me in the least bit.  I packed what I could and headed to the airport Wednesday afternoon.  Fortunately on the flight they sat me next to a Chinese guy that I was sure had the swine flu.  He couldn't stop coughing, so I kept a pillow over my face until we landed.  I dont know why I did that because I should have welcomed the swine flue.  They would have had to quarantine me in the most beautiful paradise I have ever seen on American soil called GUAM.  I found it humorous that the minute I got out of the airport I took a picture of the first palm tree I saw.  Why is it that when we have been away from a beach for so long that we find such comfort in seeing the palm trees?  I think it is a symbol of freedom and peace from the rush of society.  I was hoping that no one saw me take the pictures of the palm trees but if anyone did I definitely outed myself for an extra 20 dollar charge for the taxi.  I only had to spend literally an hour in all to take care of my visa and then I had two whole days and nights in Guam.  This is a paradise that not many people know about.  The island is littered with vacant beaches, waterfalls, beautiful flowers, palm trees, good food, and luxurious resorts.  I rented a beach bomber which was around 25 bucks per day.  The car was beaten down by the millions of previous occupants.  The steering wheels ragged rubber had been eroded by the sun's rays and the seats were torn and tattered.  It sat comfortably as I imagine those lazy boys do after years of being worn in by their owners.  It was as if it was a grandfather of vehicles and had provided many people with joys and adventure throughout its time.  Now I sat snug as a child would upon this grandfathers lap for one more horsy adventure ride.  It was just what I needed, knowing that I would be wearing soaked board shorts half the time.  Plus one could essentially drive around the whole island in two hours so gas wasn't an issue.  Let me say first off that if you are going to plan a good island trip from Korea, you should go to Guam.  I would even go so far as to say to enter the country illegally in the hopes that you will have to be sent to Guam to get your visa.  The island was honestly built by the gods themselves.  Everyone speaks english and it still operates without safety regulations, meaning they haven't closed off everything fun and wild to the tourists there.  Everything has the beautiful sign saying "venture at your own risk."  That simple phrase is like a symphony to the travelers ears.  I started off my journey by asking locals about hikes that solo travelers were able to navigate.  Every person I met though sadly told me that without a guide finding eighty percent of the paradises was near impossible.  I was told about two that were maybe doable and also to take a journey around the south side of the island for beaches.  I bought a map for five dollars and started on route to the tarzan waterfalls.  The weather in Guam was around 85 degrees and the temperature of the water felt like the baby pool during the summer after hundreds of kids had peed in it.  I also noticed that it rained for five minutes at a time every couple of hours but storms passed as quickly as they appeared and the sun would once again bestow perfect weather upon the island.  I found the entrance to the hike on the side of the road with only one other car parked there.  I threw on my saudi sandals and my backpack and started on the trail.  I found the reason why most of the locals told me that hikes were hard to accomplish solo is because the trails fork every ten feet or so.  I was lost after about five minutes with a two hour hike to the waterfall still ahead.  Surprisingly the horrible action of littering is what helped me navigate these forks...the path that had the most beer cans and garbage was the path that I took.  So I guess in some cases littering can be a blessing for others.  I would like to tell you that I made it to the waterfall and it was wonderful but the litter led me to a giant pile of more litter at an area that more locals went to.  It wasn't the tarzan waterfalls but more of a river with pools in it.  It was beautiful none the less and I took a swim in the warm fresh waters of the island.  My body rejuvenated in the holy waters of the island.  I felt like a true jungle man and or a local of Guam swimming in the pools.  It was just me and nature so the next logical step was to get naked with that nature.  So I began jumping off cliffs and swimming in the nude hoping that Guam wasn't home to any of those friendly parasites that swim into your body when you urinate.  I imagined also that since I was upstream of the tarzan waterfalls, that the tourists who were most likely basking in the cascading waters were enjoying a little extra warmth.  I decided my hike had been a success and that I needed to continue my adventure, so I gathered my belongings and headed back the way I came.  Of course I got lost for two more hours but finally made it to the road.  The locals told me to leave all the doors unlocked and the windows down so that robbers wouldn't break my windows to dig through my car.  I had nothing of value inside anyways so I wasn't really scared of someone giving a look inside.  The sun was getting close to setting so I decided to take a drive down south to where all the beautiful picturesque beaches were.  I have never seen so many perfect coves and beaches in my life with no one on them.  They were completely deserted and I stopped at to many of them to count.  I would swim around and then jump back into my car, wet like a dog, and continue to another.  I enjoyed the sunset in the nude on a beach that reminded me of the movie called the beach.  It had a sandbar that went a hundred feet or so out into the crystal blue water.  The water was reminiscent of the waters in Greece or the Bahamas for the visibility must have been a million miles.   I laid on a quality inn towel I had taken from my hotel enjoying the last few minutes of the suns warmth and the islands beauty before continuing on my way.  The roads were dark and windy and just like my old honda civic the rentals lights were awful.  They barely lit the road five feet ahead of me so I drove cautiously and tailed other cars with working headlights as often as possible.  I sat snug against their rears as a baby duck would its mother.  Finally I got to the more touristy part of the island thats streets were lit with the blinding lights of the resorts.  I figure if your going to ruin the spectacle of space that we rarely take notice to anymore these days with light pollution then it might as well be because of a luxurious resort.  I had heard that Pacific Island Club had one the greatest pools so I decided to sneak in and take advantage of my skin color.  I walked through the lobby without question and followed the signs I saw to the pool.  I walked a concrete path that was lit with tiki torches over a bridge and into the most enormous pool grounds I have ever seen.  I should say I entered into a water park because that is what it resembled.  It had pools as far as the eye could see with water slides and waterfalls everywhere.  There was a water polo game going on in one pool and a water basketball game going on in the other.  I threw my clothes off and headed toward a stair case that hugged tight to one of the waterfalls.  At the entrance were hundreds of boogie boards that anyone was free to take as they pleased.  I grabbed one and headed up the tiki lit stone stairway with the roaring sound of a water slide near.  I reached a plane with two whirlpool hot tubs and an entrance to a water slide but curiosity wouldn't let me end this journey prematurely.  I was like some sort of beast  or vampire thats hunger could only be filled with the most radical water slide the world had ever seen.  I located another set of steps that led even further up which I excitedly sprinted up girlishly laughing the whole way.  I arrived at the top where I stood in awe of the resorts beauty.  I felt like I had just found the home that the swiss family robinson had been building since their last movie.  I sat on a smooth man made impersonation stone, enjoying that nights spectacles of cultural fire shows, dances, and songs as I soaked in the moonlight.  I was completely at peace, the beautiful and intoxicating rhythm of the songs of Guam could have put me to sleep like a baby if it wasn't for the raging sound of the beastly water slide that sat to my rear.....WATER SLIDE, oh my god I had forgotten my main objective of finding the water slide.  I quickly jumped to the floor, boogie board in hand, as i stared down into the belly of the beast.  No lifeguard sat safely beside this colossus.  It was like an untamed, unclaimed, and undiscovered water slide.  I launched myself with all the energy I could muster from my quivering limbs and down the slide I went.  I felt like I had just found the water slide from the goonies.  I barreled down it on my jet like boogie board pulling Mach 2 around every turn and feeling the G's.  All of that pizza and insular behavior was really my body in training for this sole moment.  Some may call me overweight and disturbing to look at.  The SR-71 Blackbird was also said to be ugly on the ground with it's corrugated skin but the aircraft was designed to fly and not be observed and judged superficially for only when flying above the world does it truly show it's beauty.  It's skin expands and it's body elongates allowing it to fly.  Water slides welcome the obese and in their world the bigger the better so therefore on this water slide i was king.  In America many people see others resembling whales at water parks and quickly assume that they don't take care about themselves and that they should be embarrassed wearing those bathing suits.  Ahhhh to the untrained eye they do appear as lazy obese souls that let themselves go long ago but they are truly wolves in sheep's clothing for only on a water slide do you see what their body was truly intended for.  Only then do you see how beautiful they really are.  You wouldn't call a sumo wrestler a fat lazy talentless Japanese man.  No because just as they have crafted their body to fight the whales at water parks have crafted theirs to slide.  So now I soared over and over again down this heavenly water slide until I had proved my dominance over it.  After wards I bathed my victorious body in the waterfalls and whirlpools of champions that the pool provided.  I finished off the night by playing a game of free putt putt, sleeping for an hour in a hammock under the stars, and laying out on a lawn chair covered in towels.  I finally left back for my hotel for a good nights rest for tomorrows exploration.  

I woke up early and set out to explore some of the touristy spots seeing as though it was my final day on the island.  I started off by traveling up to "Two Lovers Point."  I recommend it to anyone that travels here.  

"The legend states that when spain ruled Guam, a proud family lived in Agana, the capital city.  The father was a wealthy Spanish aristorat and the mother was a Chamorro (the locals of Guam), whose father was a great chief.  They owned land and were held in high esteem by all, Chamorro and Spanish alike.  However, the best reason for their pride and dignity was their beautiful daughter.  She was honest, modest; her charm so natural that her beauty impressed everyone around her.

One day, a powerful, arrogant Spanish captain came to ask the father for his daughter's hand in marriage.  The proud father decided that the captain would be his daughter's husband.  When the girl discovered this, she was so disillusioned that she ran from the house and wandered along the shore where the sea soothed her with its silence and peace.

While walking along the shore, she met a young, gentle, strongly- built and handsome Chamorro man from a very modest Chamorro family.  He was lost in his own solitary thoughts, his gentle eyes seemed to be studying the lonely stars and seeking some meaning to his life.  They fell in love, sharing their thoughts and desires.  When the father of the girl learned about the two lovers, he became angry and demanded that she marry the powerful Spanish captain.  No one could keep the father from announcing the date of the marriage to the Spanish captain.  That day, at sundown, she stole out of the house to meet the Chamorro boy who loved her.  She joined him near the high point where they had first met and watched the stars appear. 

When the father discovered that his daughter was gone, he told the captain that his daughter had been kidnapped by the Chamorro boy.  The father, the captain and all the Spanish soldiers pursued the lovers up to the high cliff above Tumon Bay.  The horsemen slowed down their pace as they neared the high peak because they saw that the lovers were trapped.  The lovers knew there was one thing left for them to do.  The boy shouted a warning for the men to stay back, and the father signaled the men to halt and to watch.  The couple stood at the very edge of the cliff. The boy and girl took the long strands of their hair and tied these together into a rope-like knot.  The two acted as if they were absolutely alone.  They looked deeply into each other's eyes and kissed one last time.  In that instant the young couple leaped down the long, deep cliff into the roaring waves.  

When the father looked down over the edge, all he could see was the floating hair of the lovers.  Too late, the father understood the meaning of their hair tied together.  Since that day, the Chamorros look to the jutting peak by Tumon Bay with a kind of reverence.  They are paying respect to the young couple who showed them that real love comes from the entwining of two souls, true to one another in life and in death.  And, forever after the high point on the cliff has been known as "Two Lovers point.""

It is like a Romeo and Juliet story in Guam.  Regardless of what you think about the story though you should see this view.  If I decided to take my own life I would definitely choose to do it off Two Lovers Point for only there upon that cliff do you truly feel that your words will be heard by the heavens.  I have never seen such a beautiful view in my life.  I put some pictures of it below.  

Next I traveled down around the southern tip of the island again but this time with more daylight to guide my way.  I stopped at all of the historical spots and then found the priests pools.  The first warning sign I had seen on my trip was stationed like a scare crow at it's entrance.  It was a government sign saying that the bacteria content of the waters was deemed unsafe and non-swimmable.  Normally I might have heeded it's warning but but seeing a concrete pillar with a concrete slab on top resembling a diving board with a rope ladder leading to the top made me throw caution to the wind.  I put a video of it below.  Enjoy.  I had to jump in three times because the Japanese people I had met had no idea how to take a picture so I finally figured they couldn't mess up video footage.  

I jumped in my car once again but this time covered in flesh eating bacteria and seeing as though lately I have had terrible problems with bacteria infections (strep throat twice and a terrible ear infection) I knew that I needed to find a waterfall to wash off in quickly.  The closest one that I knew would be a for sure success was the touristy Talofofo falls.  I took the trip knowing that it was going to cost 20 dollars to enter but I figured I should check it out.  Luckily I realized that I only had 10 dollars so when I got to the cashier at the entrance I told her about my predicament.  I joked with her briefly and persuaded her to allow me to enter.  She was very kind and waited for the tourists walking by to leave and shortly after told me that it was fine.  I got onto a gondola that led down into the depths of the jungle.  It stopped right next to the waterfalls with beautiful scenic views the whole way down.  A man let me off and I was surprisingly the only one there in this paradise.  I don't know how to describe the emotions and feelings that overcame me because I feel like I wouldn't give this spot justice.  Here is a video and some pictures that might help.  I hope you enjoy. 

I stayed in those pools until the falls closed at six o'clock figuring that the flesh eating bacteria had been completely washed from my body and all of it's orphases.  I rode back up and got into my car.  When I was exiting the turn off I noticed three Chammorians playing volleyball and seeing as though they were short one player I thought that a game of volleyball with the locals would be the perfect way to spend the sunset.  I stopped and asked if I could join in and they happily welcomed me.  They were around 18-20 years old and what they lacked in size they made up in skill.  It was the best game of volley ball I have had in years.  Spikes, digs, bumps, and sets galore.  I thanked them and they thanked me and I went on my way being proud of myself for experiencing the island fully in all of its splendors it had to offer.  I finished up with yep you guessed it Pacific Island Club once again.  I wont bore you with repetition so Ill just say that I entered in a Beach Olympics, soothed myself in rejuvenating waterfalls, and rode the beast of a water slide many times again.  I left Guam sad but happy at the same time.  I wish and hope that everyone gets a chance to visit there and I hope you have just as much success as I did.  

My Name Zachery

This blog entry is dedicated to my mother and father.

So my mom and dad fortunately gave me the name Zachery.  Sounds sweet right like it just rolls off the tongue.  Let me tell you a little history of my name.  I spelled my name Zachary ever since I was capable of doing so.  The natural stages of life are that you are born, your parents teach you your name, and you learn how to spell that name over and over and over again.  Zachary...Zachary...Zachary...Zachary.  

Lets fast forward to my eighteenth birthday.  I am riding in a bus in a stupor looking through the window with a smile that looks as though it had been plastered upon my face.  The fall leaves were painting a blurred Van Gogh piece that humbly suited the situation.  What situation you ask?  ahhh an adolescent boy was about to receive his identification card that stated to the world of his newly acquired manhood....MY LICENCE.  I arrived at the DMV to receive my highly anticipated drivers license.  Everything went accordingly until the woman said something that took me off guard "Sir I will give you your license once you spell your name correctly."  Ahh I must have been too excited in my dreaming state that I spelled it wrong.  I looked at the paper and their before me as glorious as it had always been stood my beautiful name Zachary Lawrence Nims.  I smiled and told the nice woman that the joke was up and for her to hand over my well deserved license after assuring her that my name was spelled perfectly.  She then proceeded to tell me that if I wouldn't spell my name right then she wouldn't give me my license and that she wasn't playing around.  I called my mom immediately crying on the phone explaining to her that they had let a woman from "one flew over the cuckoo's nest" man the window at the DMV.  My mother endearingly asked me what the problem was and so I told her which is when my mother fell silent upon the phone.  My whimpers and tears subsided some realizing that their may be some truth to what the wacko had told me.  "Well actually your dad spelled your name wrong on the birth certificate and your real name is Zachery.  I really didn't think that would matter."  Prepare to be ridiculed for the rest of your adult life...my parents had just dropped a bombshell upon my head with no fall out shelter plan.  Zachary...Zachary....Zachary the familiar and loved a had just been changed to an e.  How would I cope with my newly acquired name.  I should have taken a stand then and there and fought for my name that I had come to know, love, and have a beautiful relationship with.  Me being young though I spelled my new alien name on the paper and my name along with my self respect died at the DMV.  You hear horror stories about the DMV all the time but I doubt you have heard such a terrible tale as this.  So afterwards what naturally followed was me being called an idiot for not knowing how to spell my name right after eighteen years.  Thank you mom and dad for when it rains it pours and you caused a freaking typhoon.  So now lets fast forward to today.  Zach is luckily one of the most universally mispronounced name in the entire world.  I would also like to thank my parents for that little fact.   Lets go over what I have heard so far.  The spanish pronounce it Fack.  You might as well call me fag because that is what every other american hears that is with me.  The Mexicans pronounce it Sack.  I think it is good to be associated with something that is below the penis and gathers most of the disgusting sweat.  The Koreans pronounce it Jack...I even had the uncomfortable situation happen the other day where a Korean said its so funny you spell Jack with a Z.  I have never met a Jack spelled Zack.  It is very original.  So let me just to a quick recap.  I am either a homosexual, a testicle holder, or the name of a homosexual lumber jack.  So I guess I would have to thank my parents for this but hey I guess it is always interesting to see what new name I acquire in every new country I travel to and also the new ridicule I receive because of it.

Aliens

In doing blogs you are supposed to also put ideas that you have down.  So I am going to write on my favorite topic.

My ideas on aliens.  First off aliens do exist.  It is mans arrogance to conclude that earth is the only planet in the entire universe that could have spawned life.  Their are some people that feed you this jargon about how earth is such a miracle planet because of it's perfect distance from the sun.  Study science to an elementary level and you will realize that this is the biggest load of crap you have ever heard.  The earth is actually slowly being pushed away from the sun not toward the sun and eventually the earth will die and another planet will take its place.  People know that because the sun consists of 99.5% of the mass of our universe that its gravitational pull is greater therefore bringing the earth into the sun...this is true but the orbit is what is keeping us from crashing into the sun.  The centrifugal and centripetal forces form a near equilibrium, with a slight advantage to the centrifugal push of obriting.  So our Earth is ever so slightly being pushed away from the sun not toward it.  In the universe that we know ninety percent of the planets are the same distance away from another sun and have a similar rotation pattern around it.  Aliens exist and life exists...get over yourselves earth is not that special.  We were not chosen by god...and if we were then god enjoys raping the rest of the natural world and is as barbaric as Genghis Khan.  So that being said I have always thought it would be really cool if we found out that aliens are actually us from the future going on sightseeing tours of different times.  We have some kind of ride to see "OBAMA'S INAUGURATION SPEACH"  ONLY NINE MILLION DOLLARS FOR A LIMITED TIME ONLY!!!  So any historic event that we want to see we travel back in time to with our crazy cameras to capture it and only rarely has their been a crash landing where the government found out and covered it up for fear of screwing with the whole space time continuum and our golden future.  Another idea that I have about aliens and earth is that honestly we are far less advanced than they are so they just send drones to document our progression.  The reason why they don't come down is because Im sure their are a lot of other planets they have to check on and communicate with.  We are kind of the odd ones out.  My third hypothesis is that maybe the entire universe is filled with beings that can't figure out how to travel from planet to planet quickly.  My final idea about aliens is that we have not communicated with them because we are investing way to much money in an obsolete technology.  Lets say everyone communicates from planet to planet.  Do you think they would send out a radio frequency that would take a million years to arrive?  I think that they communicate with beams of light and we have yet to invent a technology that will pick up the encoded information.  Take the NASA footage for example.  The footage of the astronauts has uncovered a third anomaly...you can watch this online....they have no idea what it is but they call it the third phenomenon on the NASA footage.  When they slowed down the footage and split a single second into 46 different frames they would see different colored beams that scientists couldn't explain.  Astronauts have reported physically seeing the anomaly on shuttle missions.  They don't know what it is...well I think it is all the information that is constantly being sent to us saying "WAKE THE HELL UP AND STOP SCANNING THE SKIES FOR RADIO WAVES!  THE WHOLE UNIVERSE IS TRYING TO HELP YOU OUT BUT WE CANT IF YOUR GOING TO BE A BUNCH OF INCOMPETENT IDIOTS."  So that is my ideas on aliens...obviously I think the idea of us being the aliens and traveling back in time for sightseeing adventures is just a cool thought and not as logical as the others.  The most logical answer to aliens is that they choose not to communicate with us for we have raped our own planet so badly and are soon to be extinct so their is no time to get us in line.  We would try and attack them if they tried to help us because thats what we do best.  If there is anything that our history has taught, which they have most likely documented, is that we shoot first and ask questions later.  I think Ill leave the alien topic with one final question that you ask and discuss at your next dinner party.  It is a question I often ask myself.  Do you think Aliens enjoy facebook?

Dogs in Korea and a little on Cats

I have an hypothesis about the evolution of dogs.  I will not speak of the evolution of cats because nobody with any self respect enjoys cats more than dogs.  To settle the long winded debate of dogs vs. cats,  I will make two valid points that will abolish the discussion once and for all.  Dogs have saved humans throughout history, something cats are not capable of doing.  Dogs make, the lazy Americans we have become, go outside and do a little thing I like to call exercise.  You have to physically take your dog for a walk and most decent human beings that own dogs end up stumbling across beautiful paradises that they would have never known existed if they hadn't had a dog.  Sometimes dogs taking your dog for a walk can even lead to a meaningful relationship.  I think cats are for artistic chicks, and chicks that never go out.  They are the same chicks that trap you in their environment and you being stupid think that its fun for the first couple months until you realize that they are socially retarded and you are starting to become a hermit yourself.  If you think I am wrong try and bring one of these girls out with your friends and watch her bring up a conversation about her stuffed animal or some ridiculous conversation that only you can relate to that also leaves no room for further discussion.  If I have learned anything in life it is that you don't date a girl that loves cats.  The reason why their is such rumors as an old lady with lots of cats is because they do exist and every man with a bit of integrity walked away from them which Im sure they sulked about for a week before replacing that sadness with another cat that loves them.  These women end up turning into those cat women who have about a million cats.  Luckily their is no law against how many cats people can own but I consider those women the same as the women you see that get busted on TV for having baby factories to receive welfare checks.  Those ones where you almost start crying because twenty babies are on the floor with oatmeal on the ground near them and the mothers are addicted to crack...Yeah well they are equal.  Have you smelt a house with one cat?  Their is a reason that the chemicals in the litter box have to be that potent.  I imagine the smell of the crack baby house would smell better than the smell of the cat ladies house....alright well I went on for far to long.  My hypothesis about dogs is that they will eventually learn to talk.  We have taken away their need to hunt and find a secure home.  So all of their primitive needs have been vanquished.  Is all they really have to do now is hang around us all day and learn.  They are constantly showing dogs that can understand more and more vocabulary, which makes me conclude that eventually they will be able to voice themselves in the distant future.  Look on youtube you can find dogs that have already begun to talk here and there.  My second hypothesis is that at least in Korea dogs are going to start losing hair as humans did.  Koreans insist on dressing their dogs in cute little clothes so that they will look cute and keep warm...if they keep on dressing them up then they will have no need for their thick coats anymore.  Dogs are following the same evolutional steps as mankind once did.  Here is a perfect example of dogs in Korea.  

Toilets in Korea

One word of advice for those of you that are deciding to go to Korea; bring toilet paper wherever you go unless you enjoy like I do finding interesting items to wipe with.  

One of the most enjoyable parts of my day is the wonder and anticipation that I feel when walking the fifty or so feet to the bathroom.  We have an incredible amount of artistic students sorry I guess I should say modern artists attending the Avalon school.  They are on the cutting edge and the guile shown in their art is literally breathtaking.  The reason being that the children like animals use their own feces to portray their visions.  Some pieces are more abstract than others, and some I feel that the children are using scent to display their ingenious message.  Sometimes it is as though the entire stall was a dedication to the sistine chapel itself, other times....well other times it just looks like shit.  I don't remember using my finger as a paint brush and my poop as paint but then again I was never that good of an artist.  

One other information about bathrooms in Korea while we are at it.  The women's bathrooms happen to have a phallic bar of soap sitting by the sink in every bathroom.  The shaft of soap so to speak is very elegantly placed on a metal bar and requires the women to use numerous "grips" to acquire it.   So walking by the women's bathroom can sometimes be quite erotic when you see them fighting over a single shaft and each of them is heaving and tugging until their hands are filled with the substance that they desire.  I took a picture of a brand new one so it doesn't give quite the effect but it is hard for a man to take a picture in the women's bathroom.  Trust me though, within a week that poor baby will be "jerked" into a beautiful penis.  I guess the men in Korea figured it was what women ideally wanted in a soap and also maybe they thought that some women could use some practice.  

Ahhh the Luxuries of Judging After a Month

In dealing with foreigners, there are four societies I have come to be able to categorize people in.  One is the church going people.  They are nice to hang around, very hospitable, and very welcoming to new comers.   They spend most of their nights inside having the occasional get together.  They talk about the party goers like villagers would  vampires a long time ago.  They never see them but they know they run rampant at night.  They sound like they have been there and done that and now want no part of the soul sucking.  The next group is the alcoholics aka the vampires who spend most of their nights getting hammered until sunrise.  This kind makes lots of really great plans to do things in the midst of the drunken happy state.  When waking up in their own urine, feces, and throw up they decide that they would rather stay home the next day so they can regain strength for drinking again that night.  They have never actually met the church goers because they have never seen the daylight other than sunrise which is the universal signal for this breed to scurry home to their coffins.  This brings me to the gaming anime type who maintain the same social hours as the vampires but only because they are at home playing world of warcraft or some other massive multiplayer online game.  They came to Korea to meet a wife and are amazed at how great their terrible jokes are flying over here.  One thing I would like to express to this kind.  A.  If your jokes were terrible in the states and no one thought you were funny then most chances are that the reason the girl is laughing so hard with you is because she has no idea what you are saying but really wants a green card or an escape from her life.  B.  You are your own figment of your imagination because a suave video game anime ladies man does not exist.  I met one of these kids at a bar that didn't drink....he came to meet Korean girls that were drinking knowing that if they were drunk he had even better odds and also his jokes would go over twice as well.  This is when he told me about his scooby doo, its a small world, final fantasy, and star wars tattoos.  Then to top them all off he showed me his ultra masculine harry potter tattoo under his right rib cage...which is where I looked at him dead seriously and slowly parted my hair to reveal the tattooed mark of Voldemort on my forhead.  We then made out for a good amount of time but when we stopped it got awkward and I haven't seen him since.  Ahhh the trials and tribulations of a Harry Potter fan.  This type exists just as much in the states as it does here.  The only difference is that in Korea they get layed.  The final breed is the traveling ones who don't stay put...they are more of an in the moment type people who are looking for new experiences.  I have yet to meet to many of these people but I am looking for them because I know they exist.  I am probably categorized as one of these people.  I notice that a lot of people also came to Korea to start over or escape their lives back home.  For all the readers out there I would like you to remember one thing:  When reading realize that I am really laid back and not judgmental so as many generalizations as I make they are all merely half hearted observations....I am letting you dive into the wonderful world of Zach's creative cortex.   So please don't take offense to any of these blogs.

Gheongbok Palace

Saturday the 10th of October

I traveled to the Gyeongbokgung Palace today.  All of the palaces in Korea end in gung which is funny because gung means palace.  So when you read Gyeongbokgung palace it is really translating to Gyeongbok Palace Palace.  

I arrived at the palace doors and payed the equivelant of two dollars to tour the enormous grounds.  It was littered with quaint courtyards seperated from eachother by stone walls.  I stood in awe of the prodigious architecture.  The name Gyeongbokgung, means Palace greatly blessed by the heavens, and only then standing in its immaculate presence did I believe it.  Their were meticulously constructed buildings resting perfectly centered in a still pond.  The only movement that unsettled its peace were vibrant carp that quietly rippled the waters glass like surface with their tales.  The queens quarters were stationed in the back of the palace to ensure her faith to the king.  I imagined what the grounds would look like during the Japanese invasion during 1592.  I hope that our gift upon death is to travel throughout history and watch these final moments of virtue.  I would have liked to have seen the guards standing strong and preforming their duty proudly despite knowing their imminent fate.  I would have liked to have seen the king in his final hours and who he wanted to see last, his final words, and final commands.  Would the queen be by his side or from the confines of her prison like quarters would she reach out and find solace in a servant.  In these final hours all of the subtle unspoken beauties of love bloom and erupt for we know that our time is at an end.  These are the rare moments that we forget about social standing and petty grudges.  We act more human than we ever will.  In these brief fleeting moments the gods envy mankind for we are all beautiful and divine.  Alright sorry got a little poetic for a second.  

Anyways my camera ran out of batteries upon my arrival to the heart of Seoul so I only got pictures on my cell phone.  I unfortunately cannot transfer them to my computer, so as for now they serve the lame purpose of being beautiful cell phone backgrounds.  I am going to go back and take more pictures of the same palace so you guys can understand how amazing they really are.  I will also continue explaining the journey to Seoul. 

The Greeting and The Squat

A part of Korea that I enjoy immensely is that when walking anywhere being white and round eyed I am stopped by many different Koreans that say Hello, or How are you? or may I practice my english with you.  The most common response is that they will say two or three words and then giggle when you answer and run off.  They are so interested in interacting with the foreigners especially in the more rural areas.  The Koreans are so friendly and hospitable.  I think Koreans really understand the word perseverance.  They know that dreams and goals must be worked for to attain them.  I also love that they hardly ever rest.  Even the resting position of the Korean is not really resting for Americans.  They squat down resembling a frog to where their bottom is a mere millimeter off the ground.  I think that Koreans are born in this position because no matter how hard I try I can't get my butt even close to the ground.  God forbid their butt actually touch the ground because then it would give off the impression of actually resting and of course Koreans would never be caught dead resting out in public....so no their butt never touches and they squat to rest.  I noticed this in Japan too.  I think it may have been a way of resting that slaves discovered when they were whipped for physically sitting.  Maybe workers discovered this in-between state that you can train your body to enjoy almost as much as sitting and no one can really yell at you because you are really only squatting and not truly resting.  I can remember every manual labor job I have ever had and if they caught you sitting on the job they would be livid but Im sure if they saw you squatting and looking at something they would figure that that position is far to uncomfortable to be in and he is not really sitting so he must be working.  I will take a picture of this position the next time I see it so you can visually understand.

Pizza Hut in Korea

Another great part about Korea is the pizza.  I was surprised to find out how amazing Pizza Hut is over here.  Alright in the states lets be honest, the list of best pizza joints  to worst goes as follows

Papa Johns

Dominoes

Local Pizza places

Pizza Hut

Chuck E Cheese

Pizza hut had one pizza idea that you would think would eradicate all the competition, which was stuffed crust pizza.  The idea sounded amazing but when that idea became reality they managed to screw it up.  Another quick tangent....whoever decided to make Chuck E cheese's mascot a giant rat was an idiot.  Who in their right minds thought it was a good marketing idea to link a friendly rodent with your pizza.  What do we actually know about rats?  1.  They are rodents that defecate a million times a day. and  2.  They are filthy and carry many diseases because they will eat anything.  So who decided that rats favorite food is cheese?  Why do we assume that a factual study has been made that shows that rats prefer cheese over any other food.  If you ask anyone what rats love to eat they would answer cheese....but like a dog Im sure rats would eat their own feces if they felt in the mood.   The actual fact about rats food preference is that they would go after cheese just as quickly as any other food.  This so called fact about rats and cheese is just about as stupid as when I saw a commercial for a guy trying to make a million dollars off a toilet water cleaner for your dog so that he don't get sick when he drinks out of it.  Once again dogs eat their own...do you really think they care if their toilet water is purified.  Plus I like to think that my dog enjoys the daily surprise ...who knows what kind of magical flavor my bowel movements add to the toilet water.  Anyways back to Chuck E Cheese's mascot.... so now you have this giant filthy rodent (that doesn't make sense) crapping on my pizza in the back (probably one of the reasons that their pizza tastes awful) and then dancing with everyones children as if to rub it in.  What are we teaching children?  Now you've got little Johnny that actually sees a rat in Chuck E cheese... would it be wrong for him to assume that it was one of the happy helpers and not call pest control.  Would Johnny in fact be wrong to try and play with him and maybe even let him share a couple of bites of his pizza.  Also what well respected adult says that chuck E cheese is their favorite pizza?  So now I know one day I will be staring at this giant rat parading around the place with my children making this nonsensical alliance make sense to the minds of my kids.  Then he will be smiling knowing that he just shit on my pizza and I have to watch as my kids hug this disease infested vile vermin.  Then you wonder why your children get sick in the future.  

Here is a picture from the menu of pizza hut so you can dream

So the Rich gold pizza crust has a sweet potato rim and a crust stuffed with amazing cheese.  It sounds weird but it is unbelievable.  I would like for you to now direct your attention to the cheesy bites fondue which I made sure I got two pictures of.  The crust is made with little crisp rolls filled with cheese that are facing inward toward the center.  In the center is an actual mini fondue pot filled with cheese for dipping your already cheese filled crust.  Why can't we get it right in the states?  Why did I have to come to Korea to salivate upon looking at the menu.  I hope you all get a chance to try pizza in Korea.  Anyways I know this is a random post but I think the pizza is worth mentioning...  I hope you enjoy reading and comment often.  

Picture time

 Here are some of the pictures I have taken recently.

The korean BBQ sides...I like the purple slop one.
My friend Chris and the bbq just starting
My mother would love this so I had to post it...An entire children's comic book dedicated to Obama.  I wish I could read Korean so I could understand what the comic was about.  Hopefully it is that Obama is part time president part time fighting crime as an anime super hero.  
Here he is again on the front cover....wow just wow.
My phone inside my apartment...it is so ghetto but also so futuristic with the screen.  I have my own security camera to watch my neighbor and potential visitors.  The button scheme is a little tricky.  The yellow button releases mustard gas for the unwanted guests.  The red button fires a poisonous dart through the peep hole that immediately kills unwanted visitors and and the green button lets the friends in.  It took awhile to get used to but now I've got it.
This is the cart that the woman with the broken arm and hunch back was carrying.  
Finally here is a foot massage walk where you take off your shoes and stroll on this little path to give your feet a break.  Well that is what I thought when walking by and seeing other Koreans doing it.  I tried it and now know that it is a torture devise for feet and feels comparable to walking on glass, rocks, and nails all mixed together....but Koreans love it.

I Discovered How Weak I was Hiking in Korea

October 3rd 

So here I am with the most beautiful mountain scenery in the world as far as the eyes can see but only half way up the mountain, and to be candid I have not seen the beautiful scenery yet I am more just imagining it because right at that moment I am starring at the ground and mainly my shoes wheezing from exhaustion.  Meanwhile, a 50,000 year old Korean woman that was most likely alive when dinosaurs roamed the earth that looks as though she has been revived on several occasions who probably started the hike about an hour after me is passing me up.  She is barely winded and also puffing away on a cigarette as she walks by.  If Marlboro needs a new image to entice all ages on the joys of smoking I found that image on a hike in Korea.  Lets talk about the differences between me and her.  Alright 1.  I was wearing a backpack filled with water, she was carrying five packs of cigarettes maybe to congratulate herself once she made it to the top of Everest.  2.  I had on hiking shoes, she was wearing sandals that closely resembled birkenstocks (the winner of the lesbians choice for comfortable footwear award for the last ten years).  and finally 3. I think the main difference between us was that contrary to popular belief in this situation the Korean woman has the penis and American man has a vagina.  I did make it to the summit but only because as this beast of a woman passed me I threw a lasso around her neck and was dragged comfortably to the top.  What a beautiful country I have come upon.  I can't wait to see it's beauty in the winter.  I will try and make it to more historic areas later.  Anyways Im tired Im going to nap before I go out anywhere else thank you everyone for following I will try and make some of the posts short and I hope everyone is doing well.  Don't worry about me Im doing fine.

Chuseok

October 2nd

It's Chuseok weekend here which means a beautiful three day weekend.  Chuseok is a holiday where they mutate every regular fruit and vegetable with the exact same ooze from the second ninja turtles movie.  They either do that or use radiation like they did to create Godzilla.  Quick little tangent...Did you ever notice that everything was huge in the prehistoric days.  Their were woolly mammoths instead of elephants, mega sharks instead of great whites (about ten times the size), teridactyls instead of hawks, and so on...ok now what Im wondering is since everything living was enormous does that mean that there were strawberries the size of basketballs and grapes the size of baseballs.  I would like to think so but luckily my thoughts have been put to rest by seeing the freakishly large mutations of apples, pears, and grapes during Chuseok.  It is possible giant fruit exists in Korea....Anyways I think it is kind of like our thanksgiving holiday but way earlier.  So I went out the night before to another foreign bar and watched the sunrise in the morning.  I was surprised by how many irish, scottish, and british their were at all of the bars.  What wasn't surprising was how hammered they all were.  I can honestly say that I have never made so many alcoholic friends in one night.  I swear in Korea everyone is always drinking...I could seriously see a Sobers Anonymous meeting take place here where people sit around in a circle and say how they folded to pressure and stayed sober for a day.  Drinking is a societal norm in this country.  I found myself being twenty seven years old and staying up till ten in the morning and wondering how in the hell it happened.  I felt bad but then I asked the people that stayed up with me how old they were and I was the youngest of them all and it cheered me up a bit.  I am not going to make partying a trend because you can really waste your journey if you get to involved with any of these lonely crowds.  They try and drag you into their domain because misery loves company....but hey I just got here so staying up all night when you first arrive is alright from my standpoint.  Hike is tomorrow I will post on it.